Pondering.

Pondering little E. A. today.

She's coming soon, but not so soon all at the same time.  

And I wonder what she'll look like.  Will she recognize us right away?  And know that we're her parents.  That we've already loved her a long time?  

I felt this way with my niece.  I still do.  I cried the day she was born, missing her birth and so wishing I could just smother her with hugs and kisses.  I love she and my nephew so much that sometimes I think I could burst.

Maybe her personality will be a combination of us both.  Or our parents.  Or her sweet uncles or cousins?  I can't wait.  

I admit that I secretly hope she comes out laughing.  Or maybe she laughs her first day of life.  I know that's impossible.  But I want her to know the joy of laughter that both of our families love so well.  Laughter that is such a large part of why her parents are together.  Will she laugh at the same things?  Think that idiotic movies are absolutely hilarious.  Appreciate sarcasm.  Will she get us?

I so want her to have the freedom of feeling known that my parents have given me.  And being loved despite being so known.  By God and by us.  A feeling of relief and joy around the ones who love her most, despite her worst days.  I pray so much for that.  That overall, she would feel loved.  And that she would ultimately love and treasure the One who knows love best.  The great joy and release that comes through that.  

Eloise Anne, you are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14) and fiercely loved already.